Part 1: An Inauspicious Beginning
My departure day dawned bright and cheery. I had a good workout, then finished up with some last minute details. I met Inge and Janeen at the airport at 10:00 AM, and Operation Dream Come True was underway. I had suggested meeting at Terminal 1 because it would not be as busy.
(Explanatory note: Those familiar with the Salt Lake International Airport know there are two terminals. Since it’s a Delta Hub, most traffic goes through Terminal 2, which is the Delta Terminal. This also makes it the busiest, with the longest security line. A few years ago, a TSA person suggested I go through Terminal 1 because it was a lot quicker, which it turned out to be. So I’ve used it ever since.)
On this day, at 10:00 AM, Terminal 1 was the busiest I’ve ever seen. But, we still made it through security in good time, then went off to our gate to wait to board. For several years now, I’ve traveled the same way – my carry-on luggage bag, an extra bag, and my purse. I like to think of myself as an expert traveler. I travel light, I wear my slip-on shoes, and I do whatever I can to stick it to the airline. So – I know the drill, and I’ve never had a problem boarding with that much. That is, until that morning. So much for being an “expert”. Perhaps it was because I was the only person that said “Good Morning” to the gate agent, but for some reason she looked up at me. Flatly, and with no hint of a “good morning” in return, she said I couldn’t go on with that much luggage and that I would need to condense. Of course, this entailed me holding up the rest of the line of people while I tried to get the purse into the extra bag.
Condensing finally accomplished, I was finally allowed to board. It took a little bit of effort, but I found a spot across the aisle where I could stow my carry-on bag. This being Coach, we were of course jammed in like sheep. Not being a fan of the take-off, I proceeded to begin my meditation, deep breathing, and positive affirmations. At last in the air, the flight proceeded uneventfully. I sat and played Trivial Pursuit on the ipod, and listed to some show tunes. After an hour and a half, some diet coke, and a couple of miniscule bags of peanuts (the perks of being in coach), we began to make our approach to LAX.
I should qualify all of this by saying that in addition to my many other issues, I have claustrophobia (a left-over from a bad elevator experience years ago, and too many flights in coach stuck next to a very large man). Aside from that, I also have the world’s smallest bladder. Because of these two things, I have a certain process that I follow when I fly. For instance, I like an aisle seat. As soon as the plane has landed and we’re parked at the gate with the seat belt sign off, I’m the first one to stand up. I’m able to do this because I usually have my seat belt unbuckled before the plane even parks. I just can’t wait to get off the plane and breathe deeply.
So I was expecting that this time would be no different. Boy, was I wrong. We land in LA and taxi for some time, then the plane comes to a stop. It stops for some time. I then hear a “dong”. Usually, this means that the captain has turned off the seat belt light, and you can stand up. So – I stood up and proceeded to get into the overhead and take down my luggage. This of course was a big mistake, which I didn’t realize until later. Because you see, the plane was not in fact at the gate, nor was the seat belt sign off. The “dong” I heard was them reiterating that the seat belt sign was still on. I looked up just in time to see a crabby power-trip flight attendant come barreling down the aisle, elbows in the air so she doesn’t smack them on the seat. Seriously, I’ve never seen a flight attendant move that fast. She couldn't have looked any angrier than if she'd been the Air Marshall herself. She got to me and told me to sit down. I immediately sat down, because at that moment, who wants to argue with an Air Marshall Flight Attendant? I apologized, and said I thought the seatbelt light had gone off. She looked at me like I was a moron, and pointed at the seatbelt light still on. Then she said that per the FAA, the bag needed to go back in the overhead, and that we could not move on to the gate until it was there. I said I’d be happy to put it back up, but that would mean I’d need to stand up, and did she want me to sit, or did she want me to stand back up? She finally let me stand up, watched me put the bag back in the overhead, because really, what flight attendant can be bothered with someone’s luggage, then walked back down the aisle. Right about then, I happened to clue in to one of the other flight attendants over the intercom, saying the same thing. Then the captain came on over the intercom, said for everyone to make sure to stay in their seats with luggage stowed, etc. I’ve seriously never been so embarrassed.
With my luggage finally successfully stowed, the plane drove on, parked at the gate, and the seat belt sign went off. I made sure to pay attention to watch it go off. I stood up, and got my luggage, then got myself off there as quickly as I could. I hid my face as I walked by the flight attendants, and didn’t even make an attempt to thank them. It was an inauspicious beginning to our trip. What further adventures awaited us?
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